February 4th

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'...You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
 

-Eleanor Roosevelt


          Perhaps the most difficult thing that I find my self struggling with is time and my relationship with it. Too often it seems that it is going too slow, always hoping to jump to the next horizon, never really enjoying the moment. I feel trapped when something is on it's way, I can't get past the future enough to deal with the present, in some ways I am completely arrested by the thoughts I should be having tomorrow. 
        On the other hand, this constant forward thinking drains my current time and I am left with nothing. I wake up to find that all my worries and frustrations concerning tomorrow have turned around and have burned my yesterdays. I literally find myself unable to sleep, frozen at a desk or in a chair, petrified to see another morning come. With all the worry and fear one would think that I could use that energy to prepare or predict my actions and reactions, but instead it creates a glue that seeps straight into my bones, effectively rendering me paralyzed. 
       My only defense to all this comes from active imagination and random acts of chaos; the predictability of my unpredictable movements and choices has become a science I understand. I fear that all my talents and abilities have come to me to spite me. All of them are wonderful and I'm thankful I have them, but none translate into a "real world" scenario, forcing me to always put them away as hobbies and past times but never as a means of work, progression or employment. Pair that with my constant fear of the future and it's captivating paralysis and I find myself in a world of hurt.
      But one thing releases me: while my talents have no ability to turn into direct profits or employment, they are specifically designed to give to others. There is not one of my talents that I can honestly say is strictly for me, all of them MUST be shared to have any worth or to grow; I am a great listener, I love to teach, I write music, I love theater and enjoy acting, I write well enough to convey ideas, feelings and thoughts. I find myself unable to leave anyone sad, or discouraged and it is easy for me to find the right words for the occasion to help someone in need. I have never had a lack of ability nor strength to assist another, sometimes receiving that ability and that strength in the very hour of the need and not a moment earlier. These are my gifts, these are my releases. 
      As Helen Keller once wrote: "Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain.". I feel this is the only thing I live for in times of great duress. May God continue to light my path as I walk this path and face my Demons. May I receive strength, direction and courage to challenge those Demons when they come, that's all I really ask for.

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September 8th

Ozymandias

                                        by Percy Bysshe Shelley

---

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things.
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away

        I was on my way to class; swimming almost in the waves and currents of students flowing across the common. Almost like sailing into an ebb, I found a brief  moment of stillness in the swirling humanity as I stood at the top of a staircase, allowing me to see the buildings that surrounded me. In sharp contrast to the hurried motion of the students, these buildings seemed still, solemn and savant. It was perhaps at this moment that the poem above came to my mind, something that had been softly coursing through my mind for some time. Here though, it surfaced to give me clarity . . 

      The poem of course speaks of a fallen empire, one that at the time would not have seen it's future demise. Buildings, structures and statuary were all raised in almost worshipful manner of the greatness of the day. Although the artisans and creators of these edifices were not always dutiful followers or subjects of the images they created (as the poem infers), they could not deny the powers that were, the powers that would demand their greatest workmanship. But while the stones may have survived, the civilizations and kings they depicted did not. Power dwindled, people passed on and ultimately the worth of that nation was to be solely in the eye of the beholder. Empires built upon stone have only left legacies of tragedy and ruin.

      Which leads perhaps to what struck me there as I looked across the campus. The legacy of the university was not to be found in the grand designs of it's buildings, or even in the vast libraries and collections it may have. 

The legacy that lives has never been written on stone, but rather has been written on hearts. 

      The true riches in this life are given from the heart. When speaking of great individuals, it is rare that our favorites are dictators, emperors or cruel kings. Rather, we look to the ones that spoke to our souls, enlightened our minds and broadened our horizons. We pass their words on, knowing the good that can come from wise council. We use those words to lift up others, to inspire, to comfort, to console. When in our darkest hours, do we run to find solace in sculpted stone or twisted steel? No, we seek for words, we seek for feeling, we seek for the things that only a heart can give. 

       If this is true, I wonder how much our lives reflect it . . . we spend so much time creating our empires and legacies of "stone". Our work, our money, our material things. While these things are neccesary to live in our time, they cannot become all that we are. If they do, we may yet find ourselves like Ozymandias, building an empire that will mean nothing when we pass.

          Not to say that there is only one way to live, or to say that the choice is black and white, but  rather a gentle reminder to see the purpose in our actions, to see whether we write on upon the souls around us for both parties benefit and well-being or whether we choose to follow blind ambition to a cold and lonely existence. With this perspective, one can determine the legacies they leave behind and the ones they allow to guide them.

July 27th

   " What, sir, would you make a ship sail against the wind and currents by lighting a bonfire under her deck? I pray you, excuse me, I have not the time to listen to such nonsense."


- Napoleon Bonaparte, when told of Robert Fulton's steamboat. 


       We live in a time of constant innovation. Technology surges forward at speeds previously thought unimaginable. Science continues to open the doors to new ideas, new inventions and new ways of life. To parallel this continual enlightenment, it can be said that never before in the history of mankind has technology and science been so accessible to the common man. Consider for a moment the numerous modern miracles that we use on a daily basis; the cars we drive in, the radios and ipods we listen to, the cell phones that so easily connect us to friends and family, the internet that interweaves all nationalities, creeds and ideologies, the personal computer that allows any individual to compute and execute programs and algorithms at speeds that fifty years ago were simply theoretical.
       Of course the list goes on; it is perhaps tiring to contemplate all the ways we are connected now, all the social networks that exist, all the devices that tie us together. On a similar note, it seems almost impossible that there are yet things to be invented to improve on what we have now. Our parents might have faced the same dilemma as they looked at their world: how can we ever improve on this? To provide a personal example, I remember having a picture book as a child that illustrated a car phone, and I remember thinking that that was the most amazing concept! The idea to have a phone built straight into your car was so unique, so fantastic, I dared to dream that one day I would have a car with that. Did I ever imagine the cell phone, or even the internet? Of course not, in my mind the world was perfect where it was, I wasn't looking for solutions because I didn't see the problems . ..  or perhaps the potentials.
       At this point in my life I quickly embrace new ideas, new concepts and certainly new technology! In my mind I see the world as an ever shrinking globe; new places, fresh ideas and opportunities to expand one's horizons are constantly opening in our time. It's exciting and something that I am eager to see continue. But a persistent and perhaps unsettling whisper in the back of my thoughts often slithers to the surface saying "you won't always be this way, some day you will grow to despise change". While it may seem trivial, or perhaps even juvenile, this thought is slowly becoming one of my deeper fears. I look at some of the older generation shunning the new and clinging onto the old. They turn a blind eye, and it some ways resent any of the new conveniences I personally enjoy. Why am I so concerned about all this, why does it frighten me?


I am afraid that I won't be able to speak to my children.


     Now let me explain why I say this; for my generation I feel safe to say that we speak a different language then our parents did at our age. We speak in text, we speak in tweet, we speak in post, we speak in wall, we speak in comment, we speak in status. We network like never before, we communicate like never before, we connect like never before. There is a way to speak to us that is both unique and precious to our generation. It is becoming a common reality that a well crafted text message at the right time is just as precious to us as a hand written letter. These are our outlets of creativity and emotion, if you want to know who we are you have to speak our language.

    

      That's why I become so concerned when I hear parents, or teachers or any adult with responsibilities to a youth say that they refuse to text, or e-mail or network. They lament that the youth "just don't know how to communicate anymore", that the old ways are the best and that they are sticking to them. Oh, if they only knew how much they lose when they so defiantly attempt to gain! Not to say that every member of my generation or those of the rising generation use technology equally for communication, not to say all of the youth are completely plugged in, but if your child is and you refuse to be, then you have lost more than you have gained in your crusade.

       Along that same vein, I applaud the parents, teachers, leaders and advisers of youth who have decided to learn the language of their charges. They have reached out, stayed afloat of new technologies and have utilized them for their purpose: to enrich the lives of those they are responsible for. Perhaps it takes a little time, a little training, maybe even stepping out of one's comfort zone to do it, but the resulting relationships that can be created are more than ample reward for the effort. I hope that I will be able to be one of those sort of parents, that I will never lose the ability to talk to my children in their chosen language due to my own pride or stubbornness.  I hope we all can make a similar commitment: to continue to seek out and embrace the good this world has to offer. Not only for us, but for generations to come.


 

July 26th

  " Meditation brings wisdom; lack of meditation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back"
  -Buddha 


   Self-reflection has been on my mind as of late; those quite moments when you are able to look at yourself and see who you really are. It's also in these solemn communions with self that one finds who they want to become, all their dreams slowly surface and deftly twist and turn through the infinite possibilities of the future. You recall the lessons you may have learned recently, you recount words spoken and deeds done and you reenact scenes in your minds, both of triumph and defeat. 
    It may be said that practice of Self-reflection can both be beneficial and detrimental. Beneficial in the fact that weaknesses and strengths are laid out in the mind for critical consideration, an opportunity to contrast and compare, almost to take stock of where you have come and what still holds you back. Goals can then be set, a new path taken, spirit renewed. Self improvement is a constant journey, but with out taking the time to sit back and see where you are, your journey quickly becomes a series of meaningless meanderings,you become a constant wanderer. But careful consideration can give purpose, can give meaning, can give the strength and the ability to move forward. If often doesn't take a lot of change, in fact improvement often means slight calibrations to an already good thing, a refocusing of already great power and potential as it were.
    These moments can quickly become detrimental though when no action is taken. The mind can in fact be poisoned by the constant longing and dreaming of a better future when nothing is done to gain that future. The idea ferments; like a malicious acid slowly tearing away the silver linings to our days and eating away the precious gold that are our strengths. The inaction can lead to bitter, hateful feelings for our true selves; accomplishments become trivial compared to the ethereal vision of who we wish to be, nothing is good enough, the world itself becomes dull and meaningless and the compliments and honest love of others are pushed aside. Worthlessness permeates ones thoughts, and slowly one loses faith, love and energy. Our darkest moments come from our own imaginations. 
      Here we see the clear distinction, the need for quiet meditation is essential to growth and true happiness. But without sincere consideration and effective action, meditation is useless. Words alone cannot save a man, consistent effort is necessary. While at first glance it may seem daunting, these clear sincere meditations can become beautiful and graceful, both needed and desired.